Monday, December 11, 2006

Jamaican Letter to Santa (It's not easy being St. Nicholas)!! !!!!


Think Santa job easy???!! lol

Dear Santa,

I know you probly wondering why I writing yuh one day after Christmas, but after opening mi presents dem yesterday, I just had was to write yuh. Santa mi was a very good girl all year round. Mi listen to mi mummy when she talk to mi and ah help out wid di chores dem round di house. Ah even help di neigbor pickney dem do fi dem chores to. One day mi all help out di old crosses Mr. George, the blind an cripple one, cross the road when di other children dem just ah watch him an ah tek gamble pon what kind of cyar did ah go lick him dung. Santa, dem just lef him deh fi dead, but mi help him out. Santa ah studied real hard in school this year, so hard till mi all come fuss inna di class. Ah make it mi duty to be nice and not naughty Santa. I was so good. Ah real good girl Santa.
Santa when ah write mi Christmas list to yuh dis year, ah ask yuh for a Barbie princess doll, ah Barbie kitchen, ah Dora the Explorer computer game, a cyabbage patch doll and ah monopoly game. So Santa, how the blood claat after reading mi list yuh leave under di Christmass tree ah fucking light up yo-yo, one plastic tea-cup set and ah fucking no name dolly dat look like she have polio and ah dead from AIDS?
Santa is either yuh blind or yuh cyah blood claat read!!!
Every year ah say ah would stop believing in yuh and like ah dyam fool mi always give yuh ah next chance, but not ah fucking-gain, yuh hear mi Santa? Not a bloodclaat.
Yuh hear what ah say Santa? Yuh fucking fat red rass yuh. Yuh see all nex year, yuh better dont try squeeze yuh big fat batty thru mi louvres dem, because Santa ah swear ah going fuck yuh up. It going to be me , you and dis sharp blood claat knife, so i can juk yuh inna yuh belly. Yuh hear mi sah? Mi ah go stab up yuh Bloodcaat. Imagine, yuh give that likkle cock eye gyal Sally from cross di road everything that she ax fah. So much so dat she all nuh have nuh room fi walk round she house. Santa, yuh see you and dem fucking reindeer, di whole ah unno better t'ink twice bout land pon my house top next year, especially that old drunkard Rudoplh wid him rass red nose. Santa, yuh ever wonder why Rudolph nose red? Is because him is a fucking rum head. Rudoplh is ah drunkard Santa. Him beat di liquor hard.
Dat is shy him nose always red Santa. Yuh see all him, mek him just blink him rass nose just one time, ah swear him woulda wish it was green. cause ah wooda out di light so fucking fast dat you and dem blasted reindeer wouldn't able fi find unnu way back to di north pole. Yuh see all nex year Santa, ah will be back to mi good old self. Dat's right Santa. Ah not going give mummy nuh trouble or cause nuh havoc roun'ere .
And Santa, a goin wait pon you patiently ....ah goin wait pon yuh paitently with ah big blood claat rock stone fi yuh backside. And den when you and them blasted reindeer dat favour some dyam oversize goat wid tree branch ah grow otta dem head top, com ho-ho hoing down pon dis old rusty zinc nex Chirstmas.....BOOP!!!!! Is one rass lick inna yuh blood claat head.
Santa ah going done yuh blood claat, Membe dat yuh hear Santa.

Try Memba dat
Love

Likkle Miss

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Likkle mis'
BWOY!!!!
Obvisously this woman suffered some form of child abuse!
Anybody who would DIS Santa like this diserves NODDA!
maybe a LIKKLE LOVE will lift her SPIRITS!
UrbanChef 2006.
WWW.youtube.com/jamaicantv

DiGrifter said...

hilarious!