Friday, December 18, 2009

Make Me Over? View from Venus

It's something i've seen constantly in relationships whether it's romantic or strictly platonic someone's always trying to change the other person. Im not talking about parents naggin you to change this or that. They can get away with that, it's their JOB. Im speaking about mainly in the relationship you know what I'm talking about that significant other who always seem to have some form of criticism. Now before men take this and run with it I see nothing wrong with offering advice to a partner about something that can make the relationship run more smoothly i.e return calls, inform if  your going to be late, or don't talk down to me infront of my boys all with a nice PLEASE. What I have a problem with is someone trying to change WHO they knew you were before they started the relationship. Homey you knew she was a lush wasn't she drunk when you got her number? Woman didn't you meet him with braids, how all of a sudden you want him bald?
I see it as a deception. How might you ask? Well here I am all happy that I've found someone that loves me for all my quirks and faults only to find out over time that in fact you weren't in love with who I am but with who you could make me. I have a major problem with is.I cannot count the times i've dated a guy only to be disappointed by the criticisms "so hmm chel you swear alot" to which I respond "fuck yeah, you didnt know me before?"   This is one of the fundamental problems in most relationships or inability to accept a aprtner for who they are.Many of us go into relationships with the intent to change. WHY?!!! I can't tell you how many times I have heard a girl say " He's not my type but I can work with it" and everytime I ask myself "Wat shi really mean by work wid it, after is not a house she a buy and fix up?". I shake my head because sooner or later someone's going to get tired of either being nagged or not being able to change a person.
Here is my concern... If you dont like that fact that I drink ( some might say alot sic ), swear like a sailor, and speak my mind then we definately can't be in a relationship. I've heard of men not wanting their girls to speak patios (patwah) in public o.0  I wish a nigga would try and tell me what dialect I could and could not use cause last time I checked my tongue was in MY mouth hmph.
At the endof the day i've spent many lonesome nights and days because I'm not trying to change anyone I love you for who you are BUT you aren't always for me but we cool.. right?All i'm saying is the minute a man starts trying to make me over I'm gone. "Take me as I am, or have nothing at all" <- who sing dat again?

Faith and Love,



Experience Aurie at Wordpress said...

that was a helluva rant. ah who upset yuh now? dem nuh know seh yuh wi rumble pon dem.

i agree with the premise of this post, but the one thing i want to add is that some people also grow and change organically as well. some folks may do certain things when they are younger, but find that they stop doing those things as they get older (i.e. drinking the booze, swearing, etc.)
i think that if things are being done out of love and respect for the person, then being defensive about it may be a missed opportunity for growth. i have still quite a ways to go in this department, but i sure am trying hard to grow in this area. i don't feel less of a person when someone has constructive criticism, but it's all about discerning motive/attitude/love and checking them against your own value system to determine whether or not it is indeed someone trying to change you or just sharing a value system that could be better for the both of you in the long run.

Imperfect Stepford Wife said...

I don't know...I think it all depends what the person is trying to change. As we grow older and settle down, we have to change some things, but yeah, if it's more or less trying to mold someone into what we think is perfect, it's a bad idea.

The question remains...what exactly is that person trying to change? Habits are usually picked up somewhere, so we are most likely to ask our significant other to change or try to minimize certain things.

BUT, if the person is asking to lose weight, or change other physical attributes, or values, then there is definitely going to be issues...and then I would say, "take me as I am"

Mikhail said...

Good read... People need to accept their partners, flaws and all. It's also important to note that people don't change. Our situations and circumstances may vary at times and what we do is adjust, but the it's almost impossible to get rid of who we really are.