@mamachell
Jamaica,the Island and It's people are one of a kind. We all have a certain vibe about us. Jamaicans see things different. Here I attempt to let you into the way we Jamaicans think about everything. From politics, love, latest gossip and of course advice. Mamachel always trying to spread the knowledge and Blessed Love.
Tuesday, June 08, 2010
Sex Me Baby Baby
@mamachell
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Longest Journey Home Part 1
Today I sit down and try to write the hardest blog I've ever had to write to date. This one was not about some asshole ex-boyfriend nor was it giving advice to some misguided male or female on the affairs of the heart. It was about Jamaica. My beloved country and all its happenings and how my heart is broken. It is safe to say that no truly aware Jamaican is surprised by what has taken place over the past couple of days, it's been a long time coming. Nevertheless, the manner in which it has been executed leaves many mouths agape.
Yesterday, I sat on the plane at Norman Manley Airport filled with trepidation as to what I would be faced with when I left the airport. My blackberry was filled with messages to stay in New York. The trip home was definitely filled with trials and errors, we'd turn down one road and hear gunshots and turn on another. As I drove home I couldn't help but reflect on how different this ride home was compared to the ones in the past. Apart from the obvious warfare that had broken out,there was a distinct change of soundtrack in my head. Where there was once Protoje's "JA" now lived the Zurna for no other reason than that this place, my country now felt like Iraq.
As I sit here in my house safely atop the city in my very Uptown neighborhood and watch the news and listen to mutty perkins I cry off and on as I hear of soldiers burning bodies, babies being shot this morning and continuous gunfire. I want them to weed out the gunmen but NOT LIKE THIS! I can only pray for my friends who I cannot reach and hope that like me who had a long journey home with many twists, turns, danger and heartache Jamaica will find it's way back home.
P.S. In light of the underground reports of the conduct of the security personnel both Soldiers and Police I felt Buju's song was appropriate. "I could go on and on the full has NEVER been told".
P.P.S. Dear BBC surely you cannot believe that ONLY 12 people alone have been killed. I'd prefer you say "body count unknown" not because Minister of Security say it means its true.
Faith and Love,
Mamachel
follow me on twitter : @mamachell
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Mirror Mirror On the Wall ; View from Venus
I've read Mars' post and while I agree with what he is essentially saying I do have a few things that I need to clarify. Yes whether the person is prettier or uglier it will hurt however, there is such a thing as twisting the knife. Regardless of what most men would like you to believe they are very cognisant of whether a man is more attractive or not. How else could you explain jealousy? You're trying to tell me that men aren't aware that Common is hot? I don't believe you.
When I threw the question out there alot of men said that they'd prefer if he was uglier but more succesful that way he could justify that it was financial reasons why she left. To date ONLY two men have said "Chels, I just dont want to know if he's ugly or not". And so from the male point of view I must agree with Mars men tend to be more concerned if his penis is bigger or if he's better in bed but try as you might to pretend I know it still hurts. Now on the female psyche...
Im not going to front... If a man leaves me for a uglier girl thats gonna mess me u p ALL sorts a ways. Remember Im not the only one seeing her, EVERYBODY is going to see her. Everyone is going to see you (my ex) with and "Ugly Girl" not that's a kick in the stomach. Tell me how do you explain that?! 0_o If she's rich you get a lucky break just label his ass as a gigalo and move on people will believe that before they believe he left your fine ass for a simple jane. Leave you for someone prettier then he's just shallow. It's really a lose lose situation cause at the end of the day she has him or he has her and your ass is left alone, a clearly ugly feeling.
The way I see it Brad Pitt did it best he got a bad ass bitch that no one could deny was hot. As much as he went about his infidelity the wrong way people were understanding cause at the end of the day people are shallow with egos.
Leave me fora bitch so bad I can't help but be a fan. Let me be on the phone like "This asshole! I hate him but damn that bitch is bad". That's my point if you leave my ass it better be for Tits, Ass, Smile And a motha loving personality and then you Might get a bligh.
Faith and Love ,
Mamachel
P.s. follow me on twitter.com/@mamachell
Friday, December 18, 2009
Make Me Over? View from Venus
It's something i've seen constantly in relationships whether it's romantic or strictly platonic someone's always trying to change the other person. Im not talking about parents naggin you to change this or that. They can get away with that, it's their JOB. Im speaking about mainly in the relationship you know what I'm talking about that significant other who always seem to have some form of criticism. Now before men take this and run with it I see nothing wrong with offering advice to a partner about something that can make the relationship run more smoothly i.e return calls, inform if your going to be late, or don't talk down to me infront of my boys all with a nice PLEASE. What I have a problem with is someone trying to change WHO they knew you were before they started the relationship. Homey you knew she was a lush wasn't she drunk when you got her number? Woman didn't you meet him with braids, how all of a sudden you want him bald?
I see it as a deception. How might you ask? Well here I am all happy that I've found someone that loves me for all my quirks and faults only to find out over time that in fact you weren't in love with who I am but with who you could make me. I have a major problem with is.I cannot count the times i've dated a guy only to be disappointed by the criticisms "so hmm chel you swear alot" to which I respond "fuck yeah, you didnt know me before?" This is one of the fundamental problems in most relationships or inability to accept a aprtner for who they are.Many of us go into relationships with the intent to change. WHY?!!! I can't tell you how many times I have heard a girl say " He's not my type but I can work with it" and everytime I ask myself "Wat shi really mean by work wid it, after is not a house she a buy and fix up?". I shake my head because sooner or later someone's going to get tired of either being nagged or not being able to change a person.
Here is my concern... If you dont like that fact that I drink ( some might say alot sic ), swear like a sailor, and speak my mind then we definately can't be in a relationship. I've heard of men not wanting their girls to speak patios (patwah) in public o.0 I wish a nigga would try and tell me what dialect I could and could not use cause last time I checked my tongue was in MY mouth hmph.
At the endof the day i've spent many lonesome nights and days because I'm not trying to change anyone I love you for who you are BUT you aren't always for me but we cool.. right?All i'm saying is the minute a man starts trying to make me over I'm gone. "Take me as I am, or have nothing at all" <- who sing dat again?
Faith and Love,
Mamachell
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Kiss My BBM ....
This will be short
I'm good at observing. If you're trying to pick that wedgie with no one seeing chances are I'm that 'itch (no pun intended) at the other end of the room laughing cause I caught you. So for all the men out there tryna "check" me please please please (insert James Brown voice) DO NOT think for one minute I don't see you.
Case In Point:
How is it that you have time to BBM (blackberry messenger) me on the daily, asking for pictures and sending crazy emoticons/smileys but once I no longer have a blackberry you go missing? No No people, I mean really missing. Like I'm about to call Whoopi to be a medium cause clearly this nigga has gone Ghost. And to make matters worse you on my facebook, msn AND you have my number.
Please, Please, Please <--- there go James Brown again, don't let me find out that you're one of these new generation cheap skates who have no clue how to even attempt to get in a some drawers. Ladies, you know what i'm talking about the ones who ONLY hit you up on Twitter, BBM, Facebook chat, MSN. Anything to avoid buying minutes or credit. No pupah jeezaz dem man give a new meaning to penny pincha!
And then I start thinking what's going to happen when I get back another Blackberry and should I re-add him will he just pick up where we left off? Like should I just accept your pin request then start talking like you haven't ignored me for the past month? Should I just ignore the fact that although you want pokey you find it hard to spend a $17.50 per a minute just to say hello? Suh wait what gonna happen when you finally get di goods? All lef fi mi expect is some messenger pigeon.
Here's the verdict: In the end this young man does not deem the young lady worthy enough to put some minutes on him phone and make a call. And while the onus is not necessarily on the man to always call it is recommended especially seeing he was looking the naa naa in the first place. Anyways, if him cyan spend some money fi likkle credit fi call OR text a girl him "like" then re-add him yes and when him send you a :* (that's kiss in BBM) just reply and say "Hey cheap ass KISS my BBM
Faith and Love,
Mamachel
Monday, August 31, 2009
Wah Cause Dat?!
People I have soo much to say but I can't let it out all at once. Let me jump right in. My last post was about "Why men love crazy women". In all honesty I wrote that blog thinking it would be a one time blog. Man was I wrong! After some recent events it's become very clear to me that there will always be that one crazy 'ish that will make it bad for every calm, collected and composed female out there.
Have you ever seen some shit that has left you aghast? I'm not talking like a "wow" here people, I'm talking like a "Boooommmbboocllaattt!!!". Well I did. I saw some shit that made everything that I have ever posted about "crazy women" doing seem like they just threw a tantrum. So now I want some of these very "expressive" young ladies to talk to me and answer the following questions:
1] A wah cause dat?! - Like Tina Turner said "what's love got to do with it?!". You are telling me that you're on the floor in the club crying holding on to homeboy's pants because he said he doesn't love you?! Please please somebody pass me a belt 'cause this young lady need some discipline in her life.
2] Inna Real Life ?! - I have to ask like are you aware that this is real life and NOT Fatal Attraction? Do youknow that by doing certain things that there are consequences.?You can't break into his house or car and not get charged if he wants to. And please don't let me start talking about the stalking... Short of a nigga giving me something venereal I CANNOT think of what he could do to make me act this way.
3] You rolling Inna mad gyal posse?! - I am a true believer in the power of friendship. Friends save you from buying that bright green sequin dress wid the tie and dye lace around the edges (don't ask) and friends can talk you into and out of things. Do Not get me wrong, if my sistren thinks her man of four (4) years cheating on her I'll do a little drive by for her to check. But if she plan to go to suspected jump offs workplace and play the fool???? smaddy pass di belt cause mi haffi discipline har!!
Friends don't let friends do stupid shit. full stop comma, dash dash., --
4] Where is your self respect?! - Now I know alot of females are going to say this is unfair and I'm a bitch. But in the end unless you've been glamorized (sp) by some True Blood vampire then you ultimately have control over yourself. NUH MAN!! can mek me act like a ediat outta road! translation = Naan nigga can get me to act a fool in dah street! Are you maaaad? You mean to tell me that in big big 2009 I must create scene over someting as common as penis AND it nuh patent?! I would crazy glue myself to my bed before i go outta road and quarrel or beg a man back. He cannot make you crazy. You make yourself crazy and trust me I am that bitch in the corner sipping my henney taking in the scene and saying "WTH?!!"
Don't get me wrong people. I'm not made of stone, I've shed my fair share of tears over a broken heart but almost always in private or to close friends. And yes, oh yes there have been those brave ones who have tried me... But I've always been able to discipline them before things got out of hand. Ladies a man once told me that he couldn't do to me anything that I didn't allow and that has stuck with me all these years. You need to know YOU HAVE DI PUM PUM POWAH!! Use it! Don't have no man feeling extra special or all big headed because you killing up yourself over him.
Take mamachel's foolish advice: If you want to get a man's attention just play cool act like, his not calling or seeing you has been no big deal. Don't call him back and when you see him out smile and be ever so polite. It will make him pause trust me...
But anyways if you've ever pulled a Jazmine Sullivan or Not maybe a Carrie Underwood then hit me up let me know what was the motive behind it.... Cause i really need to understand.
Love and Faith,
Mamachel
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Di Maddah Di Sweetah??!!!
Public arguments, collection of evidence, police sirens, carefully co ordinated tails. No people this is not an episode of Law & Order. It is the recollections of some of my male friends of some "crazy" females they've been involved with. I cannot tell you how many times I have bared witness (open mouthed of course) to some female getting out and bad on another guy. And almost always I have thought to myself "wow that relationship is over". Well, silly me. I just recently found out that a large percentage of men loves a crazy woman.
I have had bredrens bring a change of clothes when we are going out because the girl they're seeing is following them. Oh Ive received many a emails warning me to stay away from more than one childhood friend. And yes people, I have been physically accosted due to some misunderstanding. Oh trust me there was a misunderstanding. But when I ask my friends "Why don't you leave her?". Some look scared others reply, "Jah know, she though!". As a result I have come to the conclusion that as long as you're hot most men will put up with anything.
As usual in my efforts to remain objective I asked around five of my sane male friends the following: 1] Why Do you love crazy women? 2] Is it a Ego thing? and 3] Is the sex really that much better?. Most of them didn't really have a reason as to why they loved the crazy ones but they all agreed that it did get old after awhile. One making the analogy of the crazy girl being a speeding bike going downhill after awhile you're going to get tired and you will eventually get hurt. But almost all unanimously agreed that yes the sex is actually better as the "crazy" ones are actually less inhibited and keeping them around is indeed a ego thing. As one bredren so eloquently put it, "Yuh just waan feel seh is your cocky mek she gwaan suh mad. She doa waan share it, she want i all fi harself because it dat good". Jesus take the wheel.
On that note. I'm glad I know all this now. No longer will I waste my efforts by making roast fish for my man, giving him kisses,or doing something as silly as being kind nor compassionate. Instead, the next man I speak to can expect some shit that will make Jazmine Sullivan and Carrie Underwood look like my little ponies. Yep, brace yourself! I'm coming with the good stuff my next boyfriend can expect public arguments, broken windshields, incessant texting, whippings, broken plates, impromptu crying and to top it off I'm going to memorize the serial numbers on your condoms.
Cause clearly the maddah di sweetah.
Mamachel ,
Faith and Craziness (Love)
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Follow yuh Bloodc*@#t Mind

Good Morning,
I'm probably going to lose some readers over this one. Well I might but today we are going to go over seven instances in life where you should follow that little voice in the back of your head. Decent folks would say "follow your intuition" but today I say "Follow yuh bloodclaat mind". Let's go, feel free to join in and leave your comments.
1] If you're walking down a road and a dark tinted car pulls alongside you.
Follow yuh bloodclaat mind and run.
2] If you suspect that your friend is sleeping with your man.
Follow yuh bloodclaat mind and investigate.
3] If you suspect that your credit card might be maxed out.
Follow yuh bloodclaat mind and check first OR just don't go to the cashier *avoid embarrassment*
4] If you suspect that your dunce ass does not know how to use an atm machine.
Follow yuh bloodclaat mind and ask someone outside for help but DON'T have a soup line of people waiting on you to do a balance inquiry.
5] If you suspect that even though your friends tell you the dress looks good it doesn't quite fit.
Follow yuh bloodclaat mind and don't wear it. Better to repeat a outfit than to look like two pigs fighting under your dress. (got that from steel magnolias)
6] If you think your breath stink
Follow yuh bloodclaat mind and grab a mint, brush a tooth. DO something
Last but by no means least...
7] If you suspect he/she doesn't love you
Follow yuh bloodclaat mind and deal wid it. Sooner rather than later
Over and Out,
Mamachel
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Terminator Salvation Movie Review Spoiler Alert...
As my readers might know I love movies and I've been having a good time so far with all these spectacular blockbusters that have been good so far. But sure enough there comes along a tack in my shoe. I am in no way pleased with what has happened to Terminator Salvation, Arnold must be turning over in his jacuzzi or whatever... See my review below in two parts.. yes I was that pissed...
Click here for Part 1 and Part 2 here.
Mamachel
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Older Men , Younger Women
It surprises me the things that can leave me stumped. But today I came to serious realization, "I'm not so young anymore". Now don't get it twisted in my eyes Im young fresh and green. If I must say so myself I'm still a hot tamale. However, sadly enough my male friends no longer want to hang out with me. What happened to let me realize this you may ask? Well today I was browsing through facebook and I saw that one of my friends had posted pictures of his Sunday Lyme on the boat. As I perused these photos of skimpy bikinis and jet skis it dawned on me that apart from the "men" I didn't recognize the females in the pictures. They were too young!!! I had to investigate.
I asked him how is it that the older you get the younger the girls you spar with? People, I get a answer so honest I could do nothing but appreciate it. He said "Mama the age group 24-29 looking for something serious." "Unnu want to get married and have meaningful relationships while at that age we just want the punany." "Unfortunately, its the 18-21 yr olds that will put out, and that leaves no space for you on the boat, when we have a friendship day I will invite you." Okay readers, close your mouth.. :-)
As harsh as It sounds I now understand. No matter how hot or how much of a MILF you are the younger women just have a ting that the men love. One friend tried to tell me that women aged faster than men and so there are less attractive older females in comparison to attractive older men. I beg to differ, a beer belly on a man isnt half as unattractive as a beer belly on woman. The standards for attractive men is much lower than the standards for their counterparts. A man starts to grey he's described as looking distunguished, women, fagetaboutit!! I'm just saying in all aspects of life there are double standards and all you are left with in the end is your own valued opinion of yourself. Love yuhself yaah 'cause there's no guarantee that someone else will.
I close with saying "Let them galavant on that boat with them young girls I know what Mamachel has, i know my flavour, I know my stlye and because of that I walk around with a Mona Lisa Smile"
Sexy Jamaican Bitch,
Mamachel
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Jamaica Hot! Hot! Hot!

Hey All,
Let me start off by saying Global Warming is a bitch!!! I usually restrain myself with the cuss words but "What the bomboclaat is really going on??!!!!" Since when Jamaica get so hot. Duh, its an island sun, fun and all that jazz but of late I have been experiencing a different type of heat.."Heatstroke heat". The type of heat that will make you walk naked a road. The A/C at work not functioning properly so my co-worker has brought a fan hoping that by their powers combined we can get some 'semblance of a breeze. Dare to Dream.. (insert heavy sarcasm)
Don't even get me started on my apartment. The equator ain't got shit on this place. Yes, my A/C is working but unfortunately so is my electric meter and JPS (Jamaica Public Service) don't play when it comes to billing. So I turn the Lasko fan on full blast in hopes that someday, one day, in the near future I can feel some breeze. The only thing Lasko has managed to give me is a sinus attack. I don't know if is global warming causing this type of weather, if is so then unnu betta try cool it down cause Jamaica cyan manage it. No rasta, Summer just start and already I feeling this heat?!!?!!
Please if you have any suggestions on how to keep cool let a sistren know.
Blessed Love,
Mamachel
Monday, May 14, 2007
Bob Woolmer Conspiracy?!!

What's Up!
Mamachel have somethings on her mind about this Bob Woolmer situation that just will not go away. As of today Scotland Yard has stated that Mr. Woolmer died of heart failure. This report is in direct conflict with the Jamaican Constabulary's report which states that he died from "manual strangulation". No disrespect but what the hell is going on?!!! Okay, lets take a step back Bob Woolmer was found in his hotel room less than 24 hours after the Pakistani team was beaten in a World Cup Cricket match. He was pronounced dead at Kingston Public Hospital. Due to the suspicious circumstances an autopsy was performed and it was found that the man died from strangulation. Be patient.. its getting juicy now. Upon receiving the body Scotland Yard performed their own inquiry and is now claiming that boss man Woolmer died from Heart Failure. This is very embarassing are you telling me that our coroners cannot tell the difference between strangulation and a heart attack?(insert heavy sarcasm)
THough it can never be disputed that Bob Woolmer was a excellent and brilliant coach. One must look at the circumstances surrounding this alleged heart attack.
1. Pakistani team loses a very important game in what is quintessentially the super bowl of cricket.
2. Bob Woolmer is found murdered in hotel room.
3. Media frenzy begins
4. Pakistani team is fingerprinted and questioned (procedure)
5. Talk of Woolmer exposing match fixing and betting start to emerge.
6. Jamaican Police fly to England to meet with Scotland Yard
7. Woolmer's body sent to Scotland Yard
8. Scotland Yard says Bob Woolmer died of heart attack.
Did anyone know that they set fire to his house down in Pakistan before he left? Where are the reports of what he was really involved in. I cannot help but feel that this is a cover-up in order to maintain Mr. Woolmer's good name. Normally, I wouldnt have been upset, however, when you try and make Jamaica look incompetent in the process, we have a problem.
Truth, Love and Prosperity,
Mamachel '07
Friday, April 20, 2007
The Dog Next Door
Let me get straight to the point. I'm grumpy and cranky. Why, you might ask? Well, there is a particular mongrel that lives next door. Someow he knows exactly when to bark and exactly how long to keep on barking until i'm driven to madness. So today I am ranting and raving in all my glory. I would never call myself a animal person however we have a civil and mutual understanding. If you lick me, i'll say gross and if you bite me i'll bte you back. And it's always worked for me. But exactly how do you counteract contnuous barking. Now people this is not normal barking. This dog hits notes and decibels that even Mariah Carey dreams about.
My anger is not only at the mongrel its also aimed at the owners. How inconsiderate can one be to tie up a dog all night and have him bark like a wounded wolf for its entirety? If they dont know how to stop the barking I have some methods but I think I should only use them on the dog next door. Better they go to a website and see what they can do or find out, because constant barking means something is very wrong.
You know what the funny thing is? I have never seen this dog, I've only heard it.. It has this wonderful nack of knowing exactly when i'm about to fall into a deep sleep before it begins to really lay the howling on me.
Yes, I have tried shutting the windows and no its doesnt keep out the sound. If I knew which house it was I would ....... Lets just leave that alone. I havent' slept in 8 hours and im about to lose it. Lets just hope that tonight it stays quiet or I might jump off the ruff.
This is mamachel saying
"Im a fan, but sometimes there is not electricity"
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Saving all your love for WHO?
I know I haven't written in awhile but I'm here now and though I usually don't write about gossip, the following definitely caught my eye.
Whitney Houston is apparently dating Ray J !! Now you might be wondering isn't Ray J that guy that had one wish? Well yes, but I'm finding it hard to believe that he rubbed that lamb and get the genie and wish to date Whitney. (Ray J times must be hard meng.) Now in all honesty when I heard I voiced my disbelief. I was like Whitney is at least 50 and Ray J is not even my age yet. One of my friends clearly informed me that many men have girlfriends 18 yrs their senior and no-one looks at that. That topic I will touch on later. However, I have heard that Whitney is no longer on cocaine (crack is wack guys) however, these recent events have me questioning how sure are we that she not lickin the pipe anymore ? People in all honesty someone who is experiencing new found sobriety don't behave like her. Let me leave Whitney alone and get to the topic at hand.
Why is everyone so shocked that Whitney and Ray J dating? Yes she's older but men do it all the time. Demi did it with Ashton and everyone applauded her. What's the difference?
In most societies its accepted that a older man can have a younger "lady friend" but if a older lady does the same its absolutely scandalous.
Please let me know what's up with that? What make this different Race, Gender, Generation?
Let Mamachel Know!!!
Over and Out,
Mamachel '07
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Mamachel Vex bout this Deja Vu
Ladies have you ever known that something wasnt right in your relationship but you cant put a finger on it?
Have you ever known that there is another girl , but you cant say anything because you are going to be called paranoid?
You know he likes you : he calls, he spends time, unnu go out inna public, you know him friends, so why are you having those funny familiar forgotten feelings? Why is intuition telling you that there is another female around causing problems in an otherwise good life?
Unfortunately there is really nothing that you can do.. is there?
To confront her would mean behaving unlady like and wifees dont do that! To say nothing means you're a coward. So what does one do about all these impromtu meetings, late night phone calls, secret instant messages and flirty emails? Nothing? I'm afraid that's the correct answer. We as females can do nothing, just suck it up and play dumb. I for one tolerate it until im over it, until it gets old and then I'm gone that is.
One friend told me that when them look in your eyes and say "I love you" just look back and say the same.. Cause whatever man do we can do better...
All I saying is Mamachel vex bout certain current events... So give me your point of view on the topics at hand.... What should a girl do when she gets that Funny, familiar, forgotten feeling of infidelity..
I wonder if our mothers went through this?
Peace, Love and Honesty...... (Sounds simplier than it is)
Mamachel

